Years ago, when I arrived in Texas after getting married there was no job for me at the university. There are perhaps many reasons for this, and I have had many bitter thoughts that at times the world treated me unfairly. Fortunately, these were nothing other than foolish feelings of entitlement that I had to overcome, the process of which made me a better person. Today I will write about another part of that process that also improved my life; it was a shared experience with two special people during the spring semester of 2005. I already had a PhD when I came to Texas, which is why I felt entitled to a job. But there was no job, so I decided to go back to school to study environmental science, for which there was a strong program locally.
Upon arrival I was informed that I did not have the required chemistry background to stay in the program. I needed to take two undergraduate leveling courses to catch up: general chemistry for majors and organic chemistry. I took general chemistry during the fall of 2004 and embarked upon organic chemistry in the following semester. In that class, the professor (who is one of the best teachers I have encountered) encouraged an optional assignment, to create study groups. If one participated enough times they would receive 100% on the assignment, which was a hefty chunk of points. If a student chose not to participate, the assignment simply did not count into their grade; the assignment was all or nothing. It could help you, but it could not hurt your grade in the class. I met with two undergraduate students many times per week for the entire semester. I had heard that to succeed at organic chemistry was the true mark of a good student; I had a PhD already, but I had always wondered if I could hack such a class.
The two students who became friends did not know what hit them. They had never been exposed to the study habits of a professor, which I had been at more than one university in the preceding few years. At first, I think they were shocked at what I believed was necessary and required to actually master material. I studied six or seven hours per day, all semester. And I suffered, greatly. It was hard! But they suffered too, perhaps more, because they were not used to the pace I set. We made many journeys together that semester, the three of us (sometimes with a few additional comrades). One of my friends began to dissolve his marriage, and these days (six years later) he is happy with someone else. The other friend confronted a situation that truly inspired me and shaped me as a professor for years to come.
This friend, who I will not name, had cheated on a test that semester. We found out because he was suddenly unreliable, missing meetings, et cetera. The problem was he was losing sleep because he felt terribly guilty. A test in one of his classes was to be in essay format; it was supposed to be written in class, but the question had been handed out ahead of time. I vividly remember this twenty-year old boy/man saying “I simply handed in a copy that I wrote outside of class.” I was teaching as an adjunct professor at the time, and he came to me outside of our study group for advice. I told him that he had to come clean and tell the professor what he had done. And, he had to be willing to face whatever punishment was delivered, but at least then he would have a clear, honest second chance in terms of self respect.
He did it. It took all of his nerve. And the professor let him retake the test, perhaps too much of a reward for his honesty, but a chance he would not have had without coming forward. My friend inspired me for his actions as a student. He redoubled his efforts to become better at studying, doing things like hanging posters of flash cards above his bed so that he would always see them and internalize even the most difficult concepts in organic chemistry. But the main source of inspiration was the knowledge that we all make mistakes, we all want success to come more easily than it sometimes does, and we all deserve forgiveness no matter which god we pray to or if we pray at all.
I was deeply saddened to find out today that my friend passed away earlier this summer from a heart attack at a very young age. He inspires me still; he had finished medical school. His path had led him very far from mine; I would think of him from time to time and appreciate the lessons he taught me. Here’s another one; life is short, and the only real certainty is that it will end at some unknown point. My friend, I believe, was Muslim; he never told me, but he often proudly proclaimed that he was “Persian.” His friendship and mine represents what one of my favorite anthropologists calls a “horizontal tie.” In the modern world, we need more horizontal ties across cultures and traditions and less divisiveness. He was intelligent and friendly, he was kind, he overcame temptation to achieve honesty; that we all could do so well.
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