Members of today’s generation of students value praise more so than those in the past. One might say that members of society are addicted to praise, so much so that interactions on Facebook can now be linked to self esteem (CNN Facebook story). Notice there is no opportunity to “dislike” other people’s posts… Other names for praise are validation and approval, not to be mistaken for kindness and respect. Kindness requires discernment and action to help another person when necessary, and it requires no thanks or praise. Respect is silent approval, reflected in one’s actions toward oneself and others; it is communicated through doing, not through saying. This post may be received as proselytizing by some; it simply represents observations on my part (right or wrong). If it is too preachy, then so be it. As one of my colleagues told me recently, "I can tell a duck when it quacks." Here are some ducks and quacks...
For many people praise is an action devoted to an Almighty, thus one might question why humans require it of others. For students and teachers, praise is a distraction. As a professor, approval of my work is thrilling to receive. However, its thrilling flavor is temporary and does not lead to long-term satisfaction; it is actually quite irrelevant. Similarly, students who require high marks receive their grades as either blame or validation and are missing the point of learning. They will not be satisfied unless they learn to reject praise; one’s grades do not reflect self worth, and self respect is a much different enterprise altogether.
About fifteen years ago a very good friend of mine taught me an important lesson about approval and self respect. He had grown tired of a situation in which I constantly required approval and validation, in which I was consistently disappointed and prone to blaming others. He told me one day; “you need to learn the art of contemplation,” and then he ceased to be my friend. He had too much self respect to serve as a foil for my praise and blame. He got my attention; what he was saying was “think about what you do before you do it. Take responsibility for your actions.” He sacrificed his friendship to get my attention, a true act of kindness and compassion.
In the search for praise, high grades, validation, I believe that many students fail to contemplate. The result is that those students cannot take full responsibility for the results of their work; consequently, they blame others for their poor performance. Consider ratemyprofessor.com. How is the service often used? I have witnessed students discussing how she/he could not take a particular class because the professor was thought of as “too difficult” or “unfair” on ratemyprofessor. That is a shame; classes should be chosen based on the subject matter of interest; professors will vary in teaching ability, kindness (or lack thereof), difficulty, et cetera.
Consider an alternative perspective and a different use of the service using my friend’s art of contemplation. First, if you want to find out how good of a student you really are, choose a poorly rated professor. Adopt the perspective: “I want to learn the material, no matter what.” Try it; face the frustration of having to help oneself without the convenience of good teaching. When you fail at a task in the class, you will be confronted with an opportunity: “should I blame the professor?” Or, “what else can I do to learn?” Live through some bad instruction and see what you get out of it. Perhaps the service should be renamed blamemyprofessor.com?
Praise and blame really have the same effect; they each reduce a sense of responsibility and erode self respect. In the absence of others offering praise, one is faced with an opportunity to take responsibility for one’s own actions or to blame others. With either praise or blame, self respect is an issue because a person is either requiring approval from others to feel successful or a person is deflecting responsibility onto someone else. It is true that people do bad things to one another; but most teaching is not maliciously harmful by design. If one rejects praise as a prequisite for self worth, blame also becomes unnecessary. What is necessary for self respect? Willingness to try in the face of hardship, doing the best one can given one’s current ability, and gradual improvement fulfill that need and lead to long-term satisfaction, self reliance, and (eventually) an ability to help others.
In the words of Emilio Estevez as Gordon Bombay in The Might Ducks, "QUACK, QUACK, QUACK, Mr. Ducksworth!"
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